I'm Still Breathing

One of the good things about attending a necrological service during wakes is that it opens your eyes to the reality of life, making you realize what is really important and that you are truly blessed that you still wake up in the morning and still breathing. It makes you ponder on what you have done for the past years, like a movie running the scenes, flashing back from the past to the present. Then you also come to realize what you still haven’t done in the years of your existence. I am a very positive person. I always turn any adverse thing into something optimistic. I look at the bright side every time there’s a dark cloud hovering above me. But human as I am, I also get disappointed, I worry a lot and I feel downtrodden when things aren’t going well as I want them to be. So, I attended a necrological service during the wake of the mother of my high school classmate last weekend. As we were singing a song, I started to cry. I didn’t even mind the people around me. It just hit me that I really need assurance that everything is going to be okay. I just made a very major decision recently and honestly, I am scared that I just made a mistake. Then the speaker began to talk about life and death. We all die. We just don’t know when and who goes first. The dead buried in the cemetery were once alive. We don’t know what they were before, what they had done. Were they happy? Did they get what they wanted? Did they have a fulfilled life? Did they die knowing that they were loved? Did they ever tell their loved ones that they loved them? Did they make the most out of their lives? Then it dawned on me that I’ve been worrying too much. I began to grasp again that life is really, really short. We spend most of our life worrying on things that we forget to appreciate the gift of breathing. As what the speaker had emphasized, we are still so blessed to wake up in the morning, still alive and breathing. Each morning gives us a chance to do something better. Each sunrise gives us hope that today will be better than yesterday. I’m a firm believer of God’s intervention. That no matter how hard you work for something, if it’s not meant for you, you are not going to get it. And God will always have something for you which is better than what you have worked and asked for. I always believe that for everything that happens, there is a reason. You may never know what it is, you just have to keep your faith and keep on moving. I don’t want to worry anymore. Whatever I have decided, whatever I have done, I trust my judgment because God has led me to it. There’s no turning back. I need to move forward. I need more strength to get through each day. I need more patience to wait. I want to do things which I haven’t done before. I will start to create more memories. I will spend more time with my family especially with my nieces and nephews whose growing up I have missed. I will take out all my anger and bitterness. I will laugh often. I will forgive more. I will live my life to the fullest because I don’t want to leave this world not enjoying every moment. I don’t want to die with a heavy heart. I woke up this morning trying to think on what to thank God for. And then I realized, I woke up still breathing. I’m truly blessed.