Of Ex and Hows
I fell in love for the first time when I was 20. That feeling when your heart flutters every time you see him was the feeling I had then.
Since everything was a first for me, my world was suddenly filled with colors and sunshine. Everything was going right. My world quickly revolved around him.
It never occurred to me once that we wouldn’t end up together. He was my first love. We were happy together or maybe I was the only one feeling that way. I thought he was the one.
In the course of our relationship, I felt secure. I was confident. But I wouldn’t be honest if I’d say I was not scared of losing him at that time. You know how it is when you’re in love, nothing seems to matter except you and him. And the question that would always haunt me was “How would I be without him?”
How would I be indeed? I was so used to having him that I really didn’t know what to think if I lost him. How could I go on with life when he’s not already beside me? How could I continue living with a broken heart?
As I was trying to get those thoughts behind my mind, the unexpected happened. He left me for someone else.
Don’t ask me but yes, it was very painful. But how did I get through it? I don’t remember how. I just did. I guess when you accept something that happens in your life, it’s easy for you to move on.
It’s perfectly normal to think that you can’t keep on living without him. He has been a huge part of your life. He has been a part of your system. He has been a part of your routine. But then, there’s always one lesson you learn from a heartache: nothing lasts forever.
People come and go. They don’t always stay in our lives. No matter how much we invest our time and emotions in someone, if he wants to leave, he will leave.
It took me a while to feel normal without feeling the pain. There was a time that I was watching a comedy film on the big screen and amidst the funny scenes and the audience’s laughter, I was crying. Looking back, I can’t help but smile for being silly. What the heck! I know, right?
He and I were not meant to be. Who would have expected that he’d have a change of heart? Never in my wildest dreams that he would break my heart.
But he did and I had to live with that.
I guess being resilient helps mend a broken heart. And of course, acceptance will always be the key to moving on.
Yes, he hurt me. I cried a bucket. But at the end of the day, I got up, fixed myself and moved forward without him.
So, if you ask yourself, “How can I live without him?” Believe me you can. Just don’t look back in anger. And move forward with a hopeful heart.