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  • Writer's pictureFlo Patsy

When Grief Becomes a Part of Us

Updated: Sep 7, 2020

Three of my closest friends just lost their loved ones recently.

My best friend lost her father. The saddest thing was, she couldn’t go home to bury him because of the pandemic.

One of my close friends lost her husband. Having seen how very happy their marriage was, she must have been very devastated.

Then another dear friend lost her mother. Although she already has her own family, she lost her only sister and her father long before, too.

Having lost two people I truly loved, I feel their pain. I feel what they are going through right now. And no matter how much I want to console them, it won’t alleviate the grief they are feeling at the moment.

Grief will always be something we don’t want to feel. But no matter how much we want to elude it, it will come at a point in our lives. We just pray that we can cope with the pain and deal with the healing process.

It’s not easy dealing with grief. We think that time will heal the pain but it won’t. It will always be there, sleeping deep down inside and when it wakes up, it will grip our hearts with the ache we’ve first felt before.

I lost my mother 17 years ago and my father 9 years ago. But believe me, every time I think of them or something reminds me of them, I still cry. No, I still sob. I always ask myself why I still feel this. Is it because I feel guilty for not having spent more time with them? Or is it because I can’t let go of losing them?

Honestly, until now I’m still hurting. I can’t seem to let go of the pain of losing them. My mind has always been racked with “What if?”, “I should have”.

The worst part of losing someone is dealing with the pain and accepting the fact that the person is not already there. I guess part of loving is always saying goodbye. The pain of losing someone we really love doesn't go away. It always stays with us. All we can do is live with the fact that we’re not going to see them ever. And we’re going to miss them all the time.

They say time makes you forget the pain but it doesn’t. We will always have that hollow feeling inside us, feeling empty and incomplete, always longing for their presence.

I guess the mourning process lasts a lifetime. A part of us has let go but a part of us still can't accept that they’re gone. When we lose someone we love, the pain doesn’t go away. It lingers. It’s a constant reminder of how our hearts have been broken by the loss. I guess when we love someone so much, we can’t totally erase them from our hearts and thoughts. Their memories become our personal comfort and refuge when things don’t go well.

What I’ve learned about dealing with grief is that life is always unpredictable. We always think that there is still enough time to be with the people we love. It’s the biggest mistake most of us make. So, we must spend time with the people we truly care about before it’s too late. There are no rewinds in life. We can’t go back to the past. And regrets always come last.

They say we don't lose them when they go. We can find them even in sunsets. | Sunset at Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia

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